Information for parents
The Meaning of the Child explores the nature of your connection to your child by carefully analysing an interview with you, using a standardised method.
Our relationship with our child may be our most enduring and deeply felt relationship, but too often it is treated as if it were another task or job we do. The Meaning of the Child explores the range of feelings, thoughts, stories and experiences that make up your relationship with your child.
It tries to understand the impact of your child and of parenting on you, and how that might in turn shape your experience of your child, and theirs of you. It also explores the parenting you received, and what you want for your child that might be the same as or different from what you experienced. The interview includes your other relationships, and their impact on your relationship with your child.
The MotC can help in understanding areas where you and your child may be struggling, as well as highlighting the resources in your relationship, and any points of joy and connection.
The process involves a semi-structured interview, which means you are asked set questions about your child and your own experiences of being a parent, while also having room to explore your thoughts and feelings about your relationships more deeply. The set questions give the interview a standard structure informed by current research, while still leaving you free to explore what matters to you.
The interview takes approximately one to one and a half hours. It is typed up and then sent to someone trained and certified in MotC coding analysis. A benefit of analysing it this way is that it offers a systematic and impartial view of key elements of a parent-child relationship: a fresh look from someone not influenced by other factors about your life and situation.
The analysis is then discussed with the referrer to ensure accuracy, and a summary prepared that is shared with you, either verbally or as a report. This can take a few weeks. The service carrying out the MotC with you should clarify the timescale and the process for hearing back.
The MotC seeks to understand the meaning of the child to their parent, and to explore the connection between a parent and child. Many parents have times when they feel their relationship may be struggling. The MotC helps explore how this may be affecting behaviour, how it can be understood within the relationship, and what may be helpful for a family.
It is based in attachment theory, which highlights how human behaviour is shaped by our shared need for protection and comfort from those close to us. It can therefore indicate how past trauma, significant losses, and anxious or dangerous experiences might affect you as a parent. Such overwhelming events can make us sensitive to some things, inured to others, and influence our relationships in ways we might not have intended.
A MotC considers what is working well for a relationship as well as the difficulties. It gives an indication of the level of support you and your child might need. Parenting is a life-long relationship, and the best of relationships go through times when support could make a difference. Most of us have experienced times when a close relationship has been at breaking point, as well as periods of real joy, and sometimes we go through both with the same person.
Categories used to guide the process range from indicating the importance of intensive support right now, through to suggesting that the relationship is working well and pleasurably for you both. These allow professionals to work together with you so that you get the right kind of support at the right time.
A MotC is often requested by professionals working with families, such as social workers, psychologists or therapists. It may have been referred as part of an assessment, for example for adoption, or to help understand what intervention would be beneficial for you and your family. Where intervention may be needed, the MotC can help in working out which support would suit your family's circumstances.
Where it has been requested as part of a court-directed assessment, the MotC allows for greater depth of analysis and helps offer a clear picture of the parent-child relationship. It does not seek to diagnose risk or pathology in individuals, but to understand the context and complexities of key relationships. It should never be used in isolation to make decisions about the future of a child or family, but it can help make sense of the information at hand, or highlight areas that may not have been fully considered.
Occasionally a parent may wish to have a MotC themselves, for example where there has been a disruption during a child's early years, or where they are worried about an aspect of their family dynamic and would like a deeper understanding of their relationship.
Our current child protection contexts often let down both families and practitioners, setting up both to fail. Ben Grey's compassion shines through this book, whilst never shying away from fully considering the risks to the child or parent-child relationship.
Dr Lizette Nolte, Research Lead, Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, University of Hertfordshire. Endorsement of The Meaning of the Child Interview: Making Sense of Parent-Child RelationshipsThe Meaning of the Child unlocks an understanding of attachment and caregiving for the reader and the effects of trauma and loss. The book will rightly play a part in shifting the assessment narrative on attachment to understanding and hope rather than blame and failure.
Barry Tilzey, Assistant Director, CAFCASS. Endorsement of The Meaning of the Child Interview: Making Sense of Parent-Child Relationships